Apologies to Jeff Foxworthy

If you cheer Rush Limbaugh's observation that Barack Obama "throws like a girl," you might be a mindless dittohead.

If you're glad to see Marion Barry doing interviews again and agree with his assertion that he's "never been in trouble," you might just have your own persecution complex to deal with.

If you believe that there wouldn't have been a Tiger Woods, an Arsenio Hall or an Oprah Winfrey without a Michael Jackson, you might be Al Sharpton.

If you believe that keeping guns out of the hands of law-abiding citizens will reduce violent crime, you might want to ask Santa Claus for a clue this Christmas.

If you view Sarah Palin's resignation as a show of courage, you might need a refresher course in commitment.

If you watch Sonia Sotomayor take pitch after pitch (instead of swinging at them) and consider her a coward, you might not be very good at job interviews yourself.

If you listen to Lindsey Graham's incisive questioning of Sotomayor and condemn his open-mindedness as an affront to conservatism, you might not need a Kool-Aid refill.

If you think that law is cut, dried, clear and devoid of politics -- or that it should be -- you might have failed high-school civics.

If you believe that Sotomayor is a judicial activist, you might be a right-wing ideologue.

If you believe that John Roberts is a judicial activist, you might be a left-wing ideologue.

And finally, if you're of the opinion that experiences and background should play no role in a jurist's deliberations, you might not know the difference between knowledge and wisdom.